Becoming a Rock

I wanted to post today on something that I've noticed about myself lately.  I've been sending batches of query letters out for Branded for just short of a year now.  I sent out my first query's on September 15, 2009.  I got my first rejection for it on the 16th, the very next day.  Those first few rejections really hurt.  It's like having someone say that your child just isn't good enough to accepted into a school, that they're just not smart enough, or pretty enough.  And then I had six agent's request to look at it.  In the end all of them decided to pass.  That was like having that child get their hopes up for being accepted into the school, with me peeking through the windows with my child, seeing the wonders of the inside of that school.  And then an agent pulls the curtains closed and shouts through the windows, "sorry, still not good enough". 

Rejection hurts.  I'll be honest, I've had 58 "sorry, it's just not good enough"'s told to me. 

But the thing I've realized, I don't feel the hurt anymore.  After the first 40 or so rejections it stopped hurting, my hopes stopped falling because I didn't allow them to rise anymore.  I got a rejection yesterday and another one today and I didn't feel a thing as I read the lines "it's just not right for us".  I don't hardly even feel anything about the fact that two agents have the manuscript right now.  Does this mean hope has died in me now?  I've had it crushed just one too many times now?

I've become a rock.  Maybe that's a good thing so I can keep pressing forward.  It's not too hard to keep trying when you don't feel the hurt of rejection anymore.