Yesterday was not a very good day for me. I just had a lot of things happen that really pulled me down in regards to my writing. I have been having a lot of feelings of "what's the point" recently. It's nearly impossible to break into the publishing world. I've put in a ton of effort but feel like I've just been wasting my time. I've been having lots of feelings of self-doubt and questioning if I'm just delusioning myself that I'm any good at writing. If Branded isn't ever going to get off the ground, what's the point of finishing Forsaken. And I just feel like I have to prove something. I want to show people I can do this. It just isn't happening. I feel like I've been fighting a battle that's too big for me.
And then I thought to myself, would I be any happier if I stopped writing?
The answer to that is a big, pardon me - I never swear, but HELL NO!
I used to write all the time as a kid. I used to write a ton of poetry in middle school, strange since I can't really stand poetry now. I actually wrote my first book I guess at the age of 14 with my best friend Kim. I wrote a little more in High School, but it kind of started dying out. I didn't write anything for probably 5 years. Soon after having my daughter we moved 1,000 miles away from home to an island where I didn't see the sun all winter and I didn't know anyone. I became REALLY depressed. I won't go into details but let's just say it was really bad. Then my sister came to visit me and brought me some books to read. One book in particular really woke something up in me. I started writing again. And couldn't stop.
Writing has saved me. It brought me out of my depression and gives me something to look forward to. It's just for ME. I love my kids and husband more than I can say but those of you who are mothers know it's easy to lose yourself. The writing is just for me. It keeps me sane.
So, where is this all going? I've decided to just take a step back from trying so hard to get Branded out there and just write. That's what makes me happy. I finished the first draft of Forsaken a few days ago and it felt so good! That's what I need to focus on. When Forsaken is done I'll start pushing the books again and see what happens. But for now, I'm just going to do what I want to do and what makes me happy.
To those of you who have supported me and tell me you enjoyed my work, I give you a HUGE Thank You! I love and appreciate you all!
2 comments:
I fell the same way sometimes. And I completely agree- writing should be and is for the writers benefit first and then for your children. (I love seeing, reading, hearing everything my mom wrote/did) and then for anyone else that wants to rejoice in your success. Because you have succeeded- you did something that most people wouldn't even dare to do! Writing a book let alone several is hard- but you did it and continue to too. ;D
Hang in there lady!
Oh Keary, I feel you. Very much so. Keep writing. Its good for you, and you are GOOD at it. Don't stress too much about the editing and time lines...it will get get finished...look at what you have done already! I am never going to catch up! Keep at it :)
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