What Doesn't Kill You {makes you stronger}

What I Didn't Say released on Tuesday, a few days early.  And seriously, it was a fantastic day.  I felt so loved and received so much support that I felt like I was going to burst with happiness.  The book is off to a great start and thanks to NetGalley, I've been getting in a lot of great reviews.

And as I sat there and celebrated, I got to thinking about where I was just 2 years ago.  2 years ago I was feeling like a reject, a wanna be author that no one wanted.  I'd tried going the traditional publishing route.  In all, I'd recieved over 140 rejection letters, all saying that I just wasn't quite good enough.  I felt beat down and often wondered if I should just give up on trying to be a writer.  Getting rejected over and over was killing me.

But there was something inside of me that still believed.  I KNEW I could do this.  I KNEW I could make this happen.  Even if no one in the industry was going to believe in me, I believed in me. (proof) (proof) (proof)

And so I self-published.  I worked my @$$ off and made things happen.  Things didn't happen fast, but I made them happen.

And then things started paying off.

To date-

• I've gotten a movie deal with the producer of the Twilight Saga and Percy Jackson 
• I have 6 titles to my name
• I was listed in the Wall Street Journal
• I've sold over 100,000 books
• I'll be making six figures this year

And I'm still standing.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And today, this is how I feel about me and the traditional publishing world.

When writing becomes...

I’ve had a very profound realization lately.  Want to know what it is?  I’ll share a little secret with you.  Lean closer to the screen and I’ll whisper it to you…

Writing is my JOB.

Whoa!  I know, right?!  When did that happen?

Sorry about that, I got a little carried away.  lol  But seriously, it did just kind of hit me a few days ago that writing is literally a job for me now.  I wake up at six in the morning, work until my kids wake up sometime around seven.  And then I resume work at nine, after I take my three-year-old to preschool until I pick her up at noon.  And I’m always jumping back to work on one thing or another throughout the rest of the day.

Yesterday I literally worked a full eight hour day.  With my one and a half-year-old clinging to my side and my three-year-old running around half the day.  It was a crazy but awesome day.

I had a lot of self-doubt when I started out on this self-publishing journey.  At the beginning of 2010 I didn’t really know of anyone who was self-publishing, much less anyone who was having any success.  I could only make a few pennies for all I knew.  And after I did self-publish, I made just a few pennies, for a really long time.

And then something changed a few months ago.

Suddenly I was climbing some carts, gaining some rankings.  Suddenly I was like “Woohoo!  I’m going to make a few hundred bucks this month!”  And suddenly my jaw is hitting the floor as I look at the numbers, do the math on royalties, and still can’t believe what I’m seeing.  Suddenly I have days like today where I’m #2 in contemporary fantasy for Kindle and steadily around #8 in YA fantasy. 

Suddenly I’ve realized- I’ve done it.

And with that very humbling, very awesome success comes a lot more work.  Just keeping up with my email requires a lot of time during the day.  And it’s amazing.  I love hearing from fans, from people who’ve enjoyed Branded, Forsaken, and Eden.  And I love the connections I am making.

But the thing that drags me down occasionally is realizing that sometimes taking care of the job part of my writing gets in the way of my actual writing.  I spend as much time on the business, email, promotional, whatnot side of things as I do on the actual writing.  And some days it gets, I don’t want to say frustrating cause that’s not the right word, but, well, some days I wish I could just ignore that side, and just write.

But one thing that I can say is this: I LOVE my job.  I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was writing epic Harry Potter fanfic’s with my best friend at thirteen.  I always thought being an author would be the coolest job I could ever ask for.  And it is.  It seriously is.

And I can’t thank you all enough for letting me turn my dream into my job.

What's up

Maybe I'm just thick-headed but I still haven't given up on trying to get Branded off the ground. I'm hoping that someday the self-published version will get some attention but it just isn't likely. So, I sent it to Ace publishing yesterday. They are the ONLY major publishing house that accepts manuscript submissions from unagented authors. Seriously, the ONLY one! Trust me, I've looked and looked. And today I sent it to Shadow Mountain. The only real big books they have done is the Fablehaven books and The Wednesday Letters, and The Christmas Jar (I think that's what it's called, books by Jason F. Wright anyway...). They seem to do a lot of LDS books and kind of make-ya-feel-good books, so I'm not really sure it's the right place for me but I figured it couldn't hurt. My old high school English teacher is published through them. I sent him a copy and he says he's going to read it after he's done with a big research project so maybe that will give me an in! Ya never know! I also sent it out to a few more agents again. I'm well used to rejection by now so why not...

I've been thinking about achieving your dreams a lot lately. I have a new respect for successful and famous people. They have to work really hard for what they've achieved (most of them anyway...). Of course I'm mostly looking at authors. Like I totally have a worshipful respect for Stephanie Meyer. She has 3 kids and look at the books she's written! It takes SOOO much time and dedication to write a book, much less one that is as long as hers are. Seriously, she is my idol. I want to be her. She's a mom, the represents the church (LDS-I'm a member too!) well, and she's made this amazing life for herself.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be famous. Those of you know me know that I am INCREDIBLY shy and quiet. Anything I have to say, I'll say it in writing. I clam up when having to talk in front of people. I don't want to be in the media, don't want to go on Oprah (seriously, I REALLY, REALLY don't like her...), don't want to be in the spotlight. I just want people to know my work. I want to overhear people talking about how they finished Branded and how much they loved it (or even if they hated it, as long as they finished it). Is that vain? Maybe but can't blame me too much for wanting that.

Back to the achieving your dreams thing. I think it's sad that so many people dream of doing something other than what they are doing yet never do anything about it. I really have dreamed about being a published writer since I was about 12. I wrote my first book when I was like 14 with my best friend Kim and always thought how cool would it be to be published. I've always wanted to have my work out there, to have it be known, and I'm actually trying! I'm doing everything I can to get there. I may not ever be famous and heck, I may never be published but I'm trying as hard as I can. If it ever pays off in the end it will so be worth it. And even if it never happens, at least I get the satisfaction of knowing I tried! Don't ever give up on your dreams!